“Do you have a big hammer?”

Jamie Starkey paused. Little kids didn’t tend to come into the hardware store alone and rarely asked for tools. He spied the young man. “A hammer?” He had a lot of tools in the store, but needed a bit more context to help. “What kind and what’s it going to be used for?”

“I want to build a birdhouse for my dog,” the boy said.

Birdhouse? For a dog? “Well…”

The boy’s father rounded the corner. “Connor. I’m sorry.”

“Connor tells me he’s shopping for a hammer. For a birdhouse?” Jamie asked. “Yes?”

“Yes.” The father held up his hands. “We’re trying to build a doghouse, for Scouts? The dog will never use it because our dog never goes outside to do anything but potty, but Connor will earn a badge for it.”

“Okay.” Then the birdhouse wasn’t going to be a tiny home for a dog. Good. “I think I can help you.”

“Yay!” Connor wiggled and reached for the tools. “Which one?”

“This one would work, but when you use a hammer, you have to be careful. It can be helpful, but if you swing it without caution, it can be dangerous.” Jamie winked at Connor and offered him the tool. “Can you remember that? Only use this with help and with safety glasses. Don’t want to hurt yourself.”

“I can.” Connor beamed. He held on to the hammer with both hands. “That’s part of the badge—you have to be responsible with the implements.”

“You do.” Jamie shifted his gaze between Connor and the boy’s father. He’d always thought about being a dad, but never had the chance. He was almost forty, single and gay. He doubted he could adopt a child by himself. First, he needed to find a partner. He didn’t want to raise a child alone.

“I can’t wait to use this.” Connor held the hammer and stood beside his father. “Thanks, Dad.”

These were the sweet moments Jamie wished he could experience for himself.

One day.

Connor’s father ruffled Connor’s hair, then spoke to Jamie. “Thank you. We’re not mechanical people, so this helps a lot. I wasn’t sure what tools to buy. Normally, I just call someone and they fix whatever’s broken.”

“You’re welcome. If you have any other questions, please don’t hesitate to ask. That’s what we’re here for.” Jamie stood and waved as the father and son walked away with the purchased goods.

Natalie ventured down the aisle to where Jamie stood. “Have you ever considered becoming a foster parent?” She stared at Jamie and folded her arms. “Really thought about it?”

“What?” He shook his head. “No.” His cousin could be so pushy.

“No? You just charmed that father and son. You’d be a great dad.” She walked with him to the front of the store. “You should think about it. Look at how you help the young people here. They gravitate to you. I get the old men who want to make dad jokes. I’d take your kid customers any day.”

“You can have them.” He hated cleaning up the marker display when someone decided to scribble all over it.

“You should think about fostering. You’d be good at it.” Natalie shrugged before picking up the ringing cordless store phone. “Starkey Hardware. If it’s not broken, fix it until it is. How can I help you?”

He laughed to himself. He loved the marketing line his uncle had come up with years ago. Silly, but still getting the point across to buy things to fix other things. Plus, his cousin delivered the line so well.

“Yes, I think so. I remember. Hang on. I’ll… Just a moment.” Natalie rushed up to him. “You need to take this in the office. It’s important.”

“Who died?” No one ever called the store with anything important unless someone was in a bad way.

“Just…take it in the office. Please?” She shoved the phone at him. “Do it.”

“Fine.” He accepted the phone—one of the last pieces of old tech in the store—and strode back to the office. He hadn’t even asked who was on the other end of the line. He closed the door behind him and pressed the phone to his ear. “Hello?”

“Jamie?”

He froze. He knew that voice.

Haddie.

His knees buckled as he sank onto the desk. He hadn’t spoken to his crush in nearly eleven years. Not that Haddie knew about the crush. Haddie, Harwood Clay, was the brother of Jamie’s friend, Hudson. The last night he’d spoken to Haddie, he’d fled. He’d gotten drunk, slept with Hudson, Haddie’s sister, and pushed away when Hudson had confirmed she’d only slept with him to make her boyfriend jealous.

He’d run away in shame.

Last he knew, Haddie hated him for sleeping with Hudson.

“Hi.” He cleared his throat and summoned his courage. “You’re calling me?” That sounded ridiculous. “I mean, you called the store?”

“I called looking for you. Don’t you have a cell phone?”

Ah, Haddie. He could be blunt. “I do, but it’s probably in my locker. I don’t carry the personal one around during the day. What can I do for you?” Haddie had called him? For him? This couldn’t be good.

“It’s Hudson.”

His heart squeezed. He’d known long before he’d slept with Hudson that he was gay, but he’d slept with her after she’d begged. He didn’t regret what he’d done. Just that he’d been so weak. He’d wanted to sleep with Haddie instead. But how was he supposed to tell Haddie had a crush on him when he’d been so foolish as to sleep with Hudson?

Easy. He couldn’t.

“What happened to Hudson?” She probably got married. He hadn’t kept up, instead breaking off all communication to give her time to sort out her life. She hadn’t needed him as a distraction.

“She’s dead.”

Jamie wobbled and nearly collapsed right off the desk. “Dead?” He had to have misheard Haddie. “What?”

“We should talk in person.”

Yeah, they should. If he could face Haddie. “When?”

“I’m coming to Crestview this afternoon because I need to pick up some paperwork at the courthouse. Think you can tear yourself away from the store for an hour or two?” Haddie asked. “It’s important.”

“If you’re coming to Crestview, then it must be.” He snorted to himself. Haddie hadn’t left Norwood except to work in Cleveland on promotional events. “I’ll be there. At the courthouse? What time?”

“Make it two and we’ll meet at the coffee shop across the street,” Haddie said. “I’ll get a booth.”

“Sure.” He’d be sure to arrive early to get the booth first. That way he could watch Haddie and gauge him.

“Thanks.” Haddie hung up, leaving him in silence.

He dropped the phone onto his lap as the information, though scant, washed over him. Hudson was dead. How? Why? She was a year older than him and should’ve been full of life. Full of energy. Cancer? Accident? Something more nefarious? He could only imagine.

His thoughts turned to that last summer with Haddie and Hudson. They’d spent most of those few months together. He hadn’t quite taken over the store and Haddie had been tasked with organizing the events for four different class reunions. He’d helped Haddie build archways and listened to him tell stories about other events he’d organized.

The more time he’d spent with Haddie, the more he’d fallen in lust with him. He loved watching Haddie with his shirt off, the sweat slick on his muscled body and the way his jeans clung to his legs and ass.

He shivered at the memory. Every night he’d gone back to his apartment and masturbated, wishing he were the one in Haddie’s bed. At the time, Haddie had just broken up with his boyfriend, Karl. It wasn’t right for Jamie to make a move.

Then he’d fucked up and slept with Hudson.

He tossed the phone onto the desk and scrubbed his free hand across his forehead. So many memories. So much pain.

A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts. “Yeah?” He blinked, not realizing he had tears in his eyes. “Come in.” He wiped his face.

Natalie ventured into the room. “What’s wrong?” She closed the door behind her. “It was Haddie.”

“It was.” He cleared his throat.

“He said he had something important to tell you.” She stayed by the door. “Bad?”

“Remember Hudson?” He flattened his hands on his thighs. “She passed away.”

“How?” Natalie rushed across the room and hugged him. “I’m sorry. You were close to her.”

“No.” Not really. Friends, but not that close. Especially after the drunken night together. “She was my pal.”

“Pal.” She clicked her tongue. “Okay. But you’ve had a thing for Haddie for years. I know you have. This gives you a chance to talk to him. Tell him how you feel.”

“Stop.” This wasn’t the time for matchmaking. “What if he’s got a boyfriend? Partner? He might be perfectly happy with someone.” He wasn’t sure he could handle being dismissed that way.

“He might not.” She stepped back and gave him space. “Okay, so don’t rush in with the I love yous, but don’t pass up this reason to talk to him. He needs the support.”

“Which he might be getting from someone else.” He stood. “He wants to talk to me, so I’ll meet with him. Said two at the coffee shop by the courthouse.” He wished he could think about something other than what might have happened to Hudson.

“Just don’t count yourself out. This might be the cosmos telling you to make a move.” She shrugged. “I’ll do the heavy lifting here at the store. You take your time.”

“I appreciate it.” He narrowed his eyes. “The cosmos don’t like me. That’s why the relationship with Mat went to shit.”

She shook her head. “Mat was a dip. He wanted money and to own the store so he could sell it. You deserved better.”

She had a point, even if it did hurt. Mat hadn’t ever really wanted to be with him for love. Just cash. “What about Dion? You saw how that fell apart.” He hadn’t loved Dion either, but he’d thought it might be possible.

“Dion wasn’t going to stay in Crestview,” she replied. “You knew that going in and that’s why you dated him. He wasn’t permanent. It’s like you’ve always had this notion that you don’t need to be tied down. Why? Because there’s someone else out there for you and you’ve been waiting for them. Haddie might be that guy.”

“No.” It wasn’t possible.

“Why not? Other than he might have someone. Huh?” She rested her hands on her hips. “So far, I just hear excuses.”

“I had a one-night stand with his sister.” He winced. He didn’t like talking about his evening of debauchery. “Whiskey was involved.”

She crooked her brow. “You’re not bi.”

“No.” He wasn’t.

“But you slept with his sister.”

“I did.”

She frowned. “Why?”

“Like I said, whiskey was involved.” It hadn’t been his best moment. “I’d been trying to wind up the nerve to tell Haddie I had a thing for him, but the three of us—Ted, Hudson and I—started playing a drinking game. Before I knew it, we added Truth or Dare.”

“And you were dared to sleep with her?”

“Dared to kiss her.” He wasn’t one to back down, either. “I did.”

“And?”

“It wasn’t electric, I can tell you that. She had a boyfriend, but she’d wanted to make him jealous. Seeing me kiss her started him toward jealous, but she thought she’d really piss him off and said we’d pretend we’d slept together.” Pretend to upset someone.

“Except you actually did it.”

“We did.”

She sighed and grasped the doorknob. “You’ve got some groveling to do.”

“Nah. Just hear him out and hope he doesn’t hate me. I can’t ask for more than that.” He left the desk and checked the clock. Almost noon. He’d forego his lunch hour to meet with Haddie. Then he’d come back to the store and work another hour over his shift to cover for his absence. That’d work.

“Go see him and give him your attention this afternoon,” Natalie said. “Don’t cut it short, either. We can handle the store without you. Should more often, really.”

“Nat.”

“Don’t Nat me. You spend too much time here trying to hide from your life. Dion was a dip and didn’t deserve you. Mat knew what he had and he screwed you up. Don’t pass the chance to be with someone who might treat you like a king,” she said. “He might not be the one, but he might be. You don’t know.”

“I do.”

“Don’t start.” She held up her hand. “Go. Have a damn life.”

“Sure.” He wasn’t about to argue with her. Not when she got persistent. He turned on his heel and headed back to the office to clock out and collect his wallet and keys. He tucked his phone into his back pocket, then left the office. Before he left, he waved to her.

“That’s better.” She winked and waved him out of the store.

Once out on the sidewalk, he blinked in the sunshine. Maybe Natalie was right. He’d been hiding for too long. Trying to prevent his life from kicking his ass. He’d been hurt in the past and feared he’d be hurt again.

But he’d never find love if he stayed in the shadows. He wasn’t a superhero and had a lot to offer a partner—if he’d just give someone the chance.

He headed toward the center of town. If nothing else, there were food trucks and a couple cafes where he could grab a sandwich.

His thoughts turned to that night. He’d been so foolish to think he’d get Haddie off his mind by allowing Hudson to use him. The opposite happened. Haddie found out and got angry. He’d stopped talking to Jamie.

Of course he did.

The whole evening had been a mistake. A fucking huge mistake.

He rounded the corner and stopped short. The man at the Pad Thai food truck looked exactly like Haddie. Same black hair, same muscled build. Even the same stance. But this man had a tattoo on his biceps and a kid with him.

Not Haddie.

He snorted. His one-time friend had always commented he wasn’t a kid person. Never would be. Young people annoyed him. Time might have changed Haddie, but he’d sure seemed steadfast.

The guy couldn’t be Haddie.

But if he were and the kid belonged to him, then he must have a partner.

So much for the possibility of some sort of greeting-card movie reunion.

Jamie ventured around the square to the deli and ducked into the building. He ordered a ham and Swiss before settling at one of the high-top tables. He watched the traffic as he ate and let his mind wander. He could’ve had a chance with Haddie. Could’ve had a wonderful relationship. Could’ve had a future with him.

If he’d have ignored Hudson’s request to help her make her boyfriend jealous.

If only…